Thursday, 23 July 2015

Day 23

Im sat here at home (UK), trying to decide what to write.
I'm surrounded by family photos with over 70yrs of history.
If I close my eyes, I can see the old  burnt orange corner sofa that used to fill our living room.
The sofa cushions that where balance and used for tents.
The coffee table that we would both hide under when listening to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds, fearing that those big metal machines would appear over our garden fence.

I look around my neighbourhood ever changing and see all the places that we used to visit.
Camps that would be made in the summer, Parks that were played in.
Bike rides that we made. There is a large Royal woodland close by that we would walk around many times and play hide n seek in. Those woods have changed over the years, now when i try to find 'our walks', they have all been deforested.

While here I will go and 'visit' my sister where she lies with her Nan, Aunt and Grandfather.
The Crematorium is still the one place where there seems to be a veil of sadness that covers you as you pass through the gates. Its hard to feel happy and light when your surrounded by so much sadness. But I know this time and in the future, it will not last. A veil has lifted.

I never stay long. The memories a both good and bad. Michelle and I would play around the pond area while visiting our grandparents, that is no longer there.

They say time mends all pain. It kind of puts a great big water proof patch on it, that allows you to get back out there. Your never truly healed. You've adapted as a person. You have become stronger. You have more understanding and empathy. You see things in a new light. Living LIFE actually means something.  If that is what experiencing heartache makes you, then can it really be so bad?!


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